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CLARE LIM :)
19th Oct '91 • Lefty • Libra
Water Polo (:

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Allan Brenda Cai Ling Carmen Catherine Ernest Shawn Shufen Wei shan Ying Lin

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Saturday, May 28, 2011

Emotionally wrecked

So much things happened in just 1 night.
Yesterday's the worst night I ever had in my lifetime I supposed.
I couldn't fight back those tears from the pain physically and emotionally, and I cried to sleep, literally.
I always thought I have a strong tolerance of pain, and have became stronger emotionally through the years. I thought I'm no longer the crybaby like how I appeared to be back in my Primary and Secondary School days. But in fact, I'm not.

My wound abruptly gave way and resulted in excessive bleeding last night before I headed to sleep, so excessively that it couldn't be stopped but it was flowing out from my mouth continously. For that moment, I thought I was dying soon, like those you see in melodramas. But it was so bad that I threw up pools of blood from my mouth several times during the night.
But what hurts me most is your insensitivity and ignorance. When Mum told you what was happening, you replied in such a harsh tone that this is such a nuisance, like as though I'm a liability to you. I couldn't believed what I was hearing, and I couldn't believed you don't even make an effort to access my situation, but you went back to sleep. I wanted to tell you to bring me to A&E initially, like what the dental surgeon instructed me to if such bleeding happens at night. But your words and actions made me hold back my words.
Mum helped me to my bed, and I was tearing non-stop throughout the night. Somehow my heart is filled with hatred. You call yourself a father when you weren't there when I need you. I hated your self-centredness that you continued back to sleep and refused to show any tinge of concern. And you call yourself being a Catholic. If I'm such a liability, you shouldn't have given birth to me. What's the fucking point when you are capable of fulfilling my material needs, but not my emotional needs? I'm really not exaggerating when I said I threw up pools of blood from my mouth. The amount was so much that I was tramautised, and I cried in the toilet.
You only cared about your FUCKING PARROT. Since you love birds so much, you should just give birth to birds and NOT HUMANS. I HATE the way you always treated my Mum, you always think you are the emperor, but male chauvinism no longer fucking exist here. A couple of times I was on the verge of shouting back, but I really held back those anger as I want peace in this family. Or maybe, this is no longer a family to me.

Even my friends treat me better than you do. Maybe you're not even worth being a parent. A big thank you to all my friends out there who did express their concern through phone calls/SMSes/twitter/whatsapp. & Thank you Ernest, Cai Ling, Catherine, Hui Jia, Rachel, Brenda and Jun De especially. My apologies for not being able to accept calls as I'm already choking on my blood, and to some of you, I haven't had the chance to reply you all back.

I don't need people in my life who isn't there when I need them.
To Mummy: Thank you so much for being there for me throughout the whole night. Thank you for helping to wipe my mouth whenever I threw up. I LOVE U! <3

Really feel the need to get these frustration off my chest, hence I'm blogging it here. However, I don't see the point in letting outsiders/acquaintances know about this incident, hence I'm making my blog private for now.

the great escape .
Profile CLARE LIM :) 19th Oct '91 • Lefty • Libra Water Polo (: Exits Allan Brenda Cai Ling Carmen Catherine Ernest Shawn Shufen Wei shan Ying Lin Archives October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 December 2011 January 2012 February 2012 March 2012 April 2012 May 2012 June 2012 July 2012 August 2012 September 2012 October 2012 November 2012 January 2013 Credits ©Glamouresque.	Saturday, May 28, 2011 Emotionally wrecked So much things happened in just 1 night. Yesterday's the worst night I ever had in my lifetime I supposed. I couldn't fight back those tears from the pain physically and emotionally, and I cried to sleep, literally. I always thought I have a strong tolerance of pain, and have became stronger emotionally through the years. I thought I'm no longer the crybaby like how I appeared to be back in my Primary and Secondary School days. But in fact, I'm not. My wound abruptly gave way and resulted in excessive bleeding last night before I headed to sleep, so excessively that it couldn't be stopped but it was flowing out from my mouth continously. For that moment, I thought I was dying soon, like those you see in melodramas. But it was so bad that I threw up pools of blood from my mouth several times during the night. But what hurts me most is your insensitivity and ignorance. When Mum told you what was happening, you replied in such a harsh tone that this is such a nuisance, like as though I'm a liability to you. I couldn't believed what I was hearing, and I couldn't believed you don't even make an effort to access my situation, but you went back to sleep. I wanted to tell you to bring me to A&E initially, like what the dental surgeon instructed me to if such bleeding happens at night. But your words and actions made me hold back my words. Mum helped me to my bed, and I was tearing non-stop throughout the night. Somehow my heart is filled with hatred. You call yourself a father when you weren't there when I need you. I hated your self-centredness that you continued back to sleep and refused to show any tinge of concern. And you call yourself being a Catholic. If I'm such a liability, you shouldn't have given birth to me. What's the fucking point when you are capable of fulfilling my material needs, but not my emotional needs? I'm really not exaggerating when I said I threw up pools of blood from my mouth. The amount was so much that I was tramautised, and I cried in the toilet. You only cared about your FUCKING PARROT. Since you love birds so much, you should just give birth to birds and NOT HUMANS. I HATE the way you always treated my Mum, you always think you are the emperor, but male chauvinism no longer fucking exist here. A couple of times I was on the verge of shouting back, but I really held back those anger as I want peace in this family. Or maybe, this is no longer a family to me. Even my friends treat me better than you do. Maybe you're not even worth being a parent. A big thank you to all my friends out there who did express their concern through phone calls/SMSes/twitter/whatsapp. & Thank you Ernest, Cai Ling, Catherine, Hui Jia, Rachel, Brenda and Jun De especially. My apologies for not being able to accept calls as I'm already choking on my blood, and to some of you, I haven't had the chance to reply you all back. I don't need people in my life who isn't there when I need them. To Mummy: Thank you so much for being there for me throughout the whole night. Thank you for helping to wipe my mouth whenever I threw up. I LOVE U! <3 Really feel the need to get these frustration off my chest, hence I'm blogging it here. However, I don't see the point in letting outsiders/acquaintances know about this incident, hence I'm making my blog private for now.